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Archive for the 'Observations' Category
Mission: DeathMission:Space, or THE DEATH MACHINE!!!!! as I like to call it, almost claimed another victim. It’s a DEATH MACHINE!!!!! I tell you and no one listens to me! Actually, they have signs EVERYWHERE, and they have repetitive videos warning you using text and voice. When you enter you MUST make a selection on whether you want to go on the spinning version of the non-spinning version, and they give you a piece of paper with warnings written on it in multiple languages that you carry through the line with you. Then you have to turn the paper in before you board, and then you watch more warnings. Finally they ask you to give them a thumbs up if you are ready to board. What else can they do to tell people NOT to get on the ride if they are not in good health? Josh thinks that they need to rehab it into a nice restaurant but then he thinks that there would be a bunch of choking deaths. He added that maybe it’s built on an Indian burial ground or that Disney is being punished for domestic partner benefits.
Sucks!The vacuum cleaner died. Long live the cheap vacuum cleaner. When that happened I was faced with a decision, I could either go to Target and spend $80 on a vacuum that would last another 4 years top, or fork out the money for a good quality vacuum. After searching the web, I came across a deal at Amazon where I was able to get the yellow Dyson vacuum for $274 including second day shipping. You know, the vacuum that the British guy talks about on TV, the one that supposedly never loses suction. It came in yesterday. It was like Christmas. I opened the box and pulled everything out. I actually had to refer to the instructions manual to figure out, not only how to turn it on, but how to get the handle to recline my way so that I could use the vacuum. How embarrassing. But you know what? It works. The vacuum is freaking amazing. I was surprised at how smoothly it glided over the carpet, how much crap it was sucking, and how quiet it was compared to my previous vacuum. I liked it so much that I’m just looking for opportunities to vacuum. I can’t wait to use it again. I (heart) my Dyson And yes, I still have my beloved Roomba.
Not necessaryI’m addicted to my Blackberry, or Crackberry as it is commonly known. Being that I’m a geek I was thinking that maybe it would be fun to write my own Blackberry applications. Wheel’O'Yum Mobile anyone? While searching Amazon I came across this book. The book does not cover what I need. But, why would I want the guy’s picture on it? It’s not like he is hot like fire. Totally unnecessary.
The end is nearThis just has to be one of the signs of the apocalypse.
InsaneSorry we lied about the war. Sorry about how we ignored Katrina. Sorry about the ridiculously high gas prices. But we still hate the gays! Vote for us in the upcoming midterm elections!
Infallible logicA few of us were at a restaurant last night and there was a guy who looked totally gay. Every part of his look and mannerisms screamed “gay!” The someone says “I actually don’t think he is gay.” And then added “and see that? he only has one leg.” Then we all noticed he had a prosthetic leg. So we all go “yeah, I guess he is straight.” And that ended the conversation. A few seconds later I said “wait a second, since when does only having one leg make you straight?” I mean, really.
Orlando driversHere’s to you, Orlando drivers.
For the childrenThis weekend I was killing a few hours at Disney’s Animal Kingdom and I went into one of their several nature trails where you can see different animals, etc. Similar to the zoo. There was a big water area that was like a giant pool with a side made out of glass so that people could also see under the water. We were all looking at a couple hippos under the water and how they were just hanging out in there for several minutes before coming back up for air. At one time, one of the hippos lifted its butt above water and started spinning its relatively small tail in circles extremely fast. All the children started laughing. It was cute. Then shit started coming out of its ass. And of course it hit the spinning tail. And it was literally like shit hitting the fan. If you ever wondered what shit hitting a fan would be like, wonder no more. I was a witness. The shit would break down into small pieces and fly everywhere, and I mean everywhere. The sound in the area went like this: Which made me laugh even harder. Then suddenly a bird comes flying down, dives into the water, grabs a fish with its beak, takes it to a rock and starts whacking it against the rock again and again until its good and dead. Nothing like some Disney magic to brighten one’s day.
The Internet is for porn (part II)A while back I posted some spam that I received because I found it amusing how hard the person typing the email had tried. Here’s another that I received today (warning, this one is more graphic:)
Orlando’s finestOrlando’s water is, well, tasty (and not in a good way.) It has a flavor. Isn’t it a bad thing when you get to taste water? Orlando’s water …
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